by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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