I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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