that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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