if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
