looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
