so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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