I will die if light touches me.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
