I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
smell my finger.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Randomize
