Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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