I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
