Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
