I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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