Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
