They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
