When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
