You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
