Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
