I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
