Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
