Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
