theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
