there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
