first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
