I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
