The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Houston, we have a squirter
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
