best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
