tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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