But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
