I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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