New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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