You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
