News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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