so that wasnt chicken after all
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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