booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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