can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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