Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
