Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
