he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
