I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Randomize
