I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
