Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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