90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
