I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
where are you?
Hypothermia
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
