I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
