I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
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