yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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