I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
