I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
