I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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