I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
