im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
