You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
